What you are looking for

We are told we can get to core issues, and by getting there, experience freedom from them. 

I will tell you what your counselor has probably never told you: 

You cannot cross the abyss from here (seeing the flicker of identifying the culprit - that core issue which has followed you all your life, has dogged your steps, and has hindered and harassed you), to there (arrival at “what it is” with the added ability to lay hold of it, uproot it, and discard it from your life - from the very core of your being). 

You cannot cross this abyss. No one, by introspection, can.

What happens instead to the most sincere of us (because we are sincere in our reaching over to cross) is that we fall. We fall into the abyss. This is the despair of soul. Yes, the very one that the therapist told you was a “breakthrough today”. You saw how deep, how far, and how widespread your trouble was… and you tried to keep going… You reached to as far back as you could and you arrived at your childhood. Although “remembering” must stop here, you don’t. You enter a feeling state where time is irrelevant. Instead of arriving at the source of your woes, you hit a wall, but this wall is also a fall, and it feels like a falling that wants to completely consume you - it feels like the opposite of freedom. For it feels like you have met the wrong “am” - a timeless “am”; an unchanging “am”... I “am” so lost. It writhes in knots of agony on the inside not with words like, "wrong was done to me", or even "I did wrong", but with a dreadful 'I “am” wrong'.

This is the abyss.

It is not God’s will for you.

You cannot introspect your way to wellness. You will hit this wall. You will fall.

But if you are willing to look away from self, then you can turn to God and say, “Help me.”

Herein (in this phrase of two simple but profound words) is repentance. In one fell swoop you turn in the exact way that God wants you to turn (from self to God) and you hope in the exact way that God wants you to hope (in the redeeming power He so freely offers). No hype, no gyrations. Just all of God, for all of you.

When you look to Jesus, you will be transformed.